The hardest years in life are those between ten and seventy.

[Helen Hayes, at 73]

I refuse to think of them as chin hairs. I think of them as stray eyebrows.

[Janette Barber]

Whoever thought up the word "Mammogram"? Every time I hear it, I think I'm

supposed to put

my breast in an envelope and send it to someone.

[Jan King]

A male gynecologist is like an auto mechanic who never owned a car.

[Carrie Snow]

Laugh and the world laughs with you. Cry and you cry with your girlfriends.

[Laurie Kuslansky]

My second favorite household chore is ironing. My first

being hitting my head

on the top bunk bed until I faint.

[Erma Bombeck]

Old age ain't no place for sissies.

[Bette Davis]

A man's got to do what a man's got to do. A woman must do what he can't.

[Rhonda Hansome]

The phrase "working mother" is redundant.

[Jane Sellman]

Every time I close the door on reality it comes in through the windows.

[Jennifer Unlimited]

Thirty-five is when you finally get your

head together and your body starts falling apart.

[Caryn Leschen]

If you can't be a good example, then you'll just have to be

a horrible warning.

[Catherine Aird]

When I was young, I was put in a school for retarded kids

for two years before they realized I actually had a hearing

loss and they called ME slow!

[Kathy Buckley]

You see a lot of smart guys with dumb women,

but you hardly ever see a smart woman with a dumb guy.

[Erica Jong]

If high heels were so wonderful, men would be wearing them.

[Sue Grafton]

I'm not going to vacuum 'til Sears makes one you can ride on.

[Roseanne Barr]

I think - therefore I'm single. [Lizz Winstead]

When women are depressed they either eat or go shopping.

Men invade another country.

[Elayne Boosler]

Behind every successful man is a surprised woman.

[Maryon Pearson]

I have yet to hear a man ask for advice on how

to combine marriage and a career.

[Gloria Steinem]

I never married because there was no need. I have three

pets at home which answer the same purpose as a husband. I have a

dog that growls every morning, a parrot that swears all afternoon, and a

cat that comes home late every night.

[Marie Corelli]

If men can run the world, why can't they

stop wearing neckties? How intelligent is it to start the day by tying

a noose

around your neck?

[Linda Ellerbee]

I am a marvelous housekeeper. Every time I leave a man I keep his house.

[Zsa Zsa Gabor]

Nobody can make you feel inferior without your permission.

[Eleanor Roosevelt]