THE DREAM WEDDING
It is perfectly natural for a young girl to dream about her
wedding day, what it will be like, what she will wear, how
she will bid farewell to her family, etc. Nikah is a vital
part of our deen, and most girls do one day, want to settle
down with that person whom Allah Ta'aala has destined them to
be with.
But ask any girl the actual content of her dreams, or what
she pictures her wedding day to be like, and one can expect
to hear: "I'd like to arrive at the hall in a yellow BMW
convertible", or "I'd want to havemy wedding photographs
taken alongside a pond." Most girls might even be able to
tell you the size and the style of the wedding ring they are
anticipating, how much they are willing to spend on a
whitewedding gown, etc.
The sad part is most of these dreams are realised. What the
young Muslim bride-to-be wants, her parents give her, and
even if she doesn't want it, her parents still force it upon
her.
So what we end up with is a young girl, about to embark on a
most beautiful form of ibaadat, sitting on a stage, looking
no different from a Christian bride, for a whole audience of
males and females to stare
at - at a time when it is vital that she be sitting on the
Musallah, making dua, asking Allah Ta'aala to make her
marriage a successful one. A young couple posing for
photographs - hugging and kissing for hundreds of people to
see.
Hours of music, followed by a five minute qiraat and
dua, and then back to the music. And of course a camera-man
moving about frantically capturing everything: the cutting of
a four-tier wedding cake, the grand entrance of the bride to
a confetti-welcome, the presentation of a bouquet, the
groom's sister putting on jewellery for the bride .... the
list is endless. Latest trends include the serving of grape
juice in wine glasses what one wonders, is the intention
behind this), the bride and groom and a (unisex) bridal party
sitting and eating on the stage in fWl view of everyone, a
special night set aside before the wedding for qawali music
accompanied by dancing. Where - do we ever ask ourselves - do
all these practices emerge from? Certainly not the Quraan,
certainly not Sunnah.
If we really let ourselves think about the answer to this
question we will have to admit that everything about the
circus wedding we host - from the often crude and tasteless
bridal showers hosted for the bride by her friends to the
practice commonly known as "janha" wherein the groom's family
has to present the bride with an expensive item of jewellery
before the wedding, to the mehendi ceremony, to the
engagement parties,to the wedding ring, to the white gown,
the walking down the aisle, the brides-maids, to the bouquet,
the cake, the videos and the photographs, basically
everything besides the performing of the Nikaah itself has
absolutely
no validity in our beautiful and simple deen.
In fact the majority of these practices originate from other
religions, and we have taken them, and practised them and
advertised them, to such an enormous extent that they are now
wrongfully been recognised as being part ofthe Muslim way of
life.Our weddings have become virtually indistinguishable
from the wedding ofthe kuffaar. And they shouldn't be. As
Muslims, everything about us from our character to our
dressing to our practices, should serve as an example to
people. We should be trying to preserve our deen - with all
its simplicity and beauty.
Nothing about the weddings we host makes any sense.
Islamically it is not at all incumbent upon the bride's
family to host any form of feeding before or after the Nikaah.
(Yes, it is Sunnat for the groom's family to have a Walimah,
after the marriage has been consummated but his too, should
be a simple affair).Yet, thousands of rands go into the
hosting of a bridal reception, with all its food, frills and
fancies. At the end of the day, we are left with a
series of complaints about the food, unnecessary family
quarrels ofthe "why was I not invited?" Variety, a wasted
ball gown that will probably never be wom again and huge
debts.
Instead of throwing all this money away on a few moments of
senseless sin, the bride's family could have unutilised it in
a way which would be of some real benefit to her and to her
prospective husband, eg, by making some contribution to the
setting up of a home for the couple. We should always remind
ourselvesof the marriage of Hadhrat Fatimah (Radiallahu 'Anha),
the daughter of our beloved Nabi (Sallallahu 'Alaihi
Wasallam).
When Hadhrat Ali (Radiallahu 'Anhu) expressed his
intention to propose for Hadhrat Fatimah (Radiallahu 'Anha),
Rasulullah (Sallallahu 'Alaihi Wasallam) was
pleased and asked him if he possessed any riches. When
Hadhrat Ali (Radiallahu 'Anhu) replied that apart from
a horse and a shield hepossessed nothing, Rasulullah said: "A
soldier must of course, have his horse. Go and sell your
shield."
Hadhrat Ali (radiallahu 'anhu) sold his shield for 400
dirhains, after which Rasulullah
(Sallallahu 'Alaihi Wasallam) called Hadhrat Bilal
(Radiallahu 'anhu) and asked him to bring some itar
lperfume) and a few other things and sent Hadhrat Anas (Radiallahu
'Anhu) to call Hadhrat Abu Bakr, Uthman, Zubair (Radiallahu
'Anhum) and some other men of the Ansar. When they had
arrived,Rasufullah (Sallallahu 'alaihi Wasallam)
recited the Nikah Khutbah, giving Hadhrat Fathimah
(Radiallahu 'Anha) in nikaah to Hadhrat Ali (Radiallahu
'anhu), he said: "Bear you all witness, I have given
Fathimah to Ali for 400 misqals of silver and Ali has
accepted." He then raised his head and made dua.
After the Nikaah, dates were distributed and when night came,
Hadhrat Fathimah (Radiallahu 'Anha) was sent without
any hue or cry in the company of Hadhrat Umme Aiman (Radiallahu
'anha).
Rasulullah (Sallallahu 'Alaihi Wasallam) visited them,
made dua for them, and asked for a basin of waterin which he
blew after reciting the three Quls. He then sprinkled this
water on both, Hadhrat Ali (Radiallahu 'Anhu) and
Hadhrat Fatimah radiallahu 'anha). Rasulullah (Sallallahu
alaihi Wasallam) gave his daughter a silver bracelet, 2
yemeni sheets, 4 mattresses, one blanket, one pillow, one
cup, one hand grinding mill, one bedstead, a small water skin
and an earthen pitcher, and advised them that
the indoor work should be done by Hadhrat Fatimah (Radiallahu
'Anha) and the outdoor work by
Hadhrat Ali (Radiallahu 'Anhu). [Sunnats Kitaab -
Mufti EMH Salejee.]
This is the "dream wedding" which we
should all be striving towards. It would be to the benefit of
many if we start instilling this in the minds of our
children, especially our daughters. We should encourage them
towards totally following the Sunnah, and notjust doing so
selectively ie. by following whatever is easy to follow, and
then emulating other people in others aspects of life.
By becoming the slaves of our nafs and Shaitaan, ie. by
hosting unnecessary and elaborate functions, we are only
hampering the Imaan and futures of our children: how can we
expect them to embark on the ibaadat which nikaah is, when
this ibaadat begins with a series of sins? It should be the
pleasure of Allah Ta'aala which we hope to attain, not the
pleasure of misguided family members and friends.
Rather endure their displeasure, than face the displeasure of
Allah Ta'ala.