How to Make Your Husband Happy

This is the continuation of the summaries of the two books by Sheikh Mohammed Abdelhaleem Hamed.  The following is Part 1 of a summary of the second book
How to Make Your Husband Happy.

In the Name of Allaah, The Most Merciful, The Most Compassionate
Assalamo Alaykom  Warahmatu Ullahi Wabarakatuh
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To help strengthening the Muslim families and spread the teachings of Islam
in building families, the Muslim Students' Association at the University of
Alberta prepared a extremely summarized translation for two books.  The
books are Arabic by Sheikh Mohammad Abdelhaleem Hamed.  An Egyptian scholar, Who graduated from the Islamic University of AlMadinah Al-Munawwarah in Saudi Arabia. The two books are:

1- How to make your wife happy
2- How to make your husband happy

These are the best Arabic books I have seen on this subject.  They exceed
the traditional presentation of stating rights and duties to the 'Adab (good
manners) and extend into application of these rights in daily life.  The
following summary highlights mainly the responsibilities or examples of what could or should be done.  Every single item mentioned by the author is
supported by evidences from Qur'an, Sunnah or the actions of the companions, but evidences are omitted in this translation. The following is the translation of the SECOND book.

This translation is copyrighted to MSA at University of Alberta. Feel free
to repost it or reprint it by all means, provided that you do not make any
changes, additions, or omissions without permission.

How to make your Husband happy !! (Part 1)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The following is part ONE of a summary of the book "How to make your
husband happy" by Sheikh Mohammed Abdelhaleem Hamed.

1- Beautiful Reception
----------------------
After returning from work, school, travel, or whatever has separated you,
begin with a good greeting.

* Meet him with a cheerful face.
* Beautify and perfume yourself.
* Start with good news and delay any bad news until he has rested.
* Receive him with loving and yearning sentences.
* Make hard efforts for excellence of the food & having it ready on time.

2- Beautify and Soften the Voice
--------------------------------
* For your  husband only, it shouldn't be used in front of non-mahram men
  (men who can marry you if you were unmarried).

3- Smelling Good and Physical Beautification
--------------------------------------------
* Taking good care of your body and fitness.
* Put on nice and attractive clothes and perfumes.
* Bath regularly and, after the monthly period, remove any blood traces
  or bad smells.
* Avoide that your husband observes you in dirty clothes or rough shape.
* Avoide prohibited types of ornamentation, e.g. tatoo.
* Use the types of perfumes, colors, and clothes that the husband likes.
* Change hair style, perfumes, etc. from time to time.
* However with these things you should avoid excessiveness and, of course,
  only act as such in front of mahrem men and women.

4- Intercourse
--------------
* Hasten for intercourse when your husband feels compulsion for it.
* Keep your body clean and smelling good as possible including cleaning
  yourself of released fluids during intercourse.
* Exchange loving phrases with your husband.
* Leave your husband to fully satisfy his desire.
* Choose suitable times and good occasions for exciting your husband,
  and encouraging him to do intercourse, e.g. after returning from a
  travel, weekends, etc.

5- Satisfaction With What Allah (SWT) Has Allotted
--------------------------------------------------
* You shouldn't be depressed because your husband is poor or works in a
  simple job.
* You should look at poor, sick, and handicapped people and remember
  Allah (SWT) for all that was given to you.
* You should remember that real wealth lays in Iman and piety.

6- Indifference to Worldly Things
---------------------------------
* You should not consider this world as your hope and interest.
* You should not ask your husband for many unnecessary things.
* Asceticism does not mean not to enjoy what is good and permissible
  (Halal), but it means that one should look forward to the hereafter and
  utilize whatever Allah SWT gave them to achieve paradise (Jannah).
* Encourage your husband to reduce expenses and save some money in order
  to give charity and feed poor and needy people.

7- Appreciation
---------------
* By the saying of the prophet, the majority of people in hell were women
  because they were ungrateful and deny the good done to them.
* The result of being grateful is that your husband will love you more and
  will do his best to please you in more ways.
* The result of being ungrateful is that your husband will be dissappointed
  and will start asking himself: Why should I do good to her, if she never
  appreciates?
 
8- Devotion and Loyalty
-----------------------
* In particular in times of calamities in your husband's body or business,
  e.g. an accident or a bankruptcy
* Supporting him through your own work, money, and properties if needed.

9- Compliance to Him
--------------------
* In all what he commands you, unless it is prohibited (Haram).
* In Islam, the husband is the leader of the family, and the wife is his
  support and consultant.

10-Pleasing Him If He Is Angry
------------------------------
* First off, try to avoid what will guarantee his anger.
* But if it happens that you can't, then try to appease him as follows:
  1- If you mistaken, then apologize.
  2- If he mistaken then:
     # Keep still instead of arguing or
     # Yield you right or
     # Wait until he is no longer angry and discuss the matter peacefully
       with him.
  3- If he was angry because of external reasons then:
     # Keeping silent untill his anger goes
     # Find execuses for him, e.g. tired, problems at work, some one
       insulted him
     # Do not ask many questions and insist on knowing what happened,
       e.g. 1) You should tell me what happened? 2) I must know what
       made you so angry. 3) You are hidding something, and I have the
       right to know

11-Guardianship While He is Absent
----------------------------------
* Protecting yourself from any prohibited relations.
* Keep the secrets of the family, particularly intercourse and things
  that the husbands don't like other people to know.
* Take care of the house and children.
* Takecare of his money and properties.
* Do not go out of your house without his permission and put on full
  hijab.
* Refuse people whom he does not like to come over.
* Do not allow any non-mahram man to be alone with you in any place.
* Be good with his parents and relatives in his absence.

12- Showing Respect for his Family and Friends
----------------------------------------------
* You should welcome his guests and try to please them, especially his
  parents.
* You should avoid problems as much as you can with his relatives.
* You should avoid putting him is a position where he had to choose
  between his mother and his wife.
* Show good hospitality for his guests by arranging a nice place for them to
  sit in, perfection of food, welcoming their wives, etc.
* Encourage him to visit his relatives and invite them to your home.
* Phone his parents and sisters, send letters to them, buy gifts for
  them, support them in calamities, etc..

13- Admirable Jealousy
----------------------
* Jealousy is a sign for wife's love for her husband but it should be kept
  within the limits of Islam, e.g. not insulating or backbiting others,
  disrespecting them, etc..
* You should not follow or create unfounded doubts.

14-Patience and Emotional Support
---------------------------------
* Be patient when you face poverty and strained circumstances.
* When you face calamities and disasters that may  happen to you, your
  hsubandh, your children, relatives or properties, e.g. diseases,
  accidents, death, etc.
* When facing hardships in Da'wah (imprisonment, getting fired, arrested,
  etc.), be patient and encourage him to keep on the path of Allah and
  remind him of paradise.
* When he mistreats you, counteract his ill-treatment by good treatment
    
15- Support  in Obedience to Allah, Da'wah and Jihad
----------------------------------------------------
* Cooperate with your husband and remind him of different obligatory
  and voluntary worships.
* Encourage him to pray at night.
* Listen and reciting the Qur'an individually and with your husband.
* Listen to Islamic tapes and songs individually and with your husband.
* Remember Allah SWT much, particularly after Fajr and before Maghrib.
* Share in arranging Da'wah activities for women and children.
* Learn Islamic rules (ahkam) and good manners ('adab) for women.
* Support your husband's activities by encouraging him, offering wise
  opinions, soothing his pains, etc.
* Yielding some of your rights and a part of your time with your husband
  for Da'wah.
* Encourage him to go for Jihad when needed and remind him that you and
  children will be in the preservation of Allah SWT.

16-Good Housekeeping
--------------------
* Keep it clean, decorated and well arranged.
* Change house arrangements from time to time to avoid boredom.
* Perfect of food and prepare healthy foods.
* Learn all the necessary skills for managing the house, e.g. sewing.
* Learn how to raise children properly and in an Islamic way.

17-Preservation of Finances and the Family
------------------------------------------
* Do not spend from his money, even for charity without his permission
  unless you are sure that he agrees on this.
* Protect his house, car, etc. while he is absent.
* Keep the children in good shape, clean clothes, etc. Take care of
  their nutrition, health, education, manners, etc. Teach them Islam
  and tell them the stories of the Prophets and companions.

Finally, please make Du'a for the writer; Sheikh Mohammad Abdelhaleem Hamed,
for the translator brother Abu Talhah, and for the reviewer,
brother Adam Qurashi. Remember this is not a perfect translation so
forgive us our faults and correct our errors.

Muslim Students' Association
University of Alberta
Edmonton, Canada
February, 1999