10 Things to Say to
Your Partner
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I love you.
Timeless.
No need for elaboration; say it in
dozens of ways,
ways that you have learned that your
partner hears. |
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I hear you saying
...
Listening.
If I'm not, then I can't fill in the
___.
When I listen well I become a mirror
for my partner. |
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I'm sorry, I made a mistake.
Nobody gets it right all the time.
It takes maturity to admit my mistakes.
A
dmitting I made a mistake does not mean
that I am a mistake. |
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You make sense to me because ...
Validation.
Add this to listening and your partner
will really feel heard and understood. |
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I imagine that you must feel ... Is
that how you feel?
Empathy.
When I get how my partner is feeling,
then we relate at a heart-level, not
just at a head-level. |
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What I really appreciate about you
is ...
Acknowledge my partner for being, not
just doing. |
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Thank you for ...
Appreciation for doing, for giving, for
understanding.
So often we focus on what you need
rather than what's present.
What we focus on expands. |
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Would you please ...?
It's my job to communicate my wants to
my partner.
Expecting my partner to mind read, or
thinking
"If he loved me, he would know what I
want"
is a setup for experiencing
frustration. |
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I'm feeling ...
It's still important to share my
feelings.
Noticing and reporting my body
sensations is part of telling the truth. |
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I forgive you for ...
Any partner will eventually disappoint
me.
Holding onto a resentment drains my
energy,
creates distance, hurts me worse than
my partner.
Uunforgiveness in my life affects all
my relationships adversely. |
