After six months of the marriage my mother refused the idea of accepting Islam, therefore my father decided to divorce her for breaking a major condition of their marriage. At that time my mother was pregnant of me, however that didn’t stop the divorce to take place. My mother then went back to here home country where I was born. Soon after, Dad asked her to take me back, but Mom refused for maternal emotions and insisted that I stay with her, Dad accepted her opinion and left me with my Christian mother. As for my dad, my relationship with him was based on his monthly money transfer that he was committed to me, as well as some occasional calls, I was to meet him once every two years or maybe more… even though I was carrying documents stating that I am a Muslim from the Gulf, however, I didn’t know anything about Islam and the Gulf except what I used to take in geography and history classes, or through what I had observed from the Muslims that I used to see in my mother’s country.

I used to study in a catholic school and go with my Mom to church; I lived like that for 18 years…I was Muslim by name that used to practice Christian rituals. It is true that I was sluggish in my worship, and hated going to church, but I was blaming myself and always promised myself to become a better Christian in the nearest future..

I used to live the careless teen life, I was out all the time spending the nights. I had friends from both genders. My mother used to advice me on some things, but after I had finished high school I didn’t earn a great GPA that will permit me to enter a university that I liked in my mother’s country, so I decided to study in my father’s country.

When I told my father about my plan to study in his place, he didn’t care much, all he asked me was “ where will you live?! I understood that he didn’t want me to live with him, I suggested to have my Mom and maternal step brother to travel and live with me, since my step father had passed away ‘who I used to call Father’.

Dad had accepted this idea, and decided to carry out all the costs associated with this trip including the apartment rent, food, and to increase my monthly salary.

This tripe was a major turnover in my life, I started learning about Islam from the Muslims themselves. The most thing that had attracted me was, the young girls who covered their heads with ‘Hijab’ scarf, I felt so jealous from them, because I have imagined them as saved diamonds by a piece of black velvet, but I was almost half naked just like an advertisement in a newspaper that attracts a few people, even those few don’t last, soon they would use this newspaper for their kitchen or throw it in the trash.

During my first year in the university I asked my mother about Islam,- I was so attached to her- but she gave me an answer that I’ll never forget… She said: “I was impressed about Islam before you and married your father, I was a believer of that religion, but after getting to know it closer I became sure that it is not a religion from God… it was just rubbish things from an ignorant Arabic man who didn’t know how to read or write… so how can an educated person like you allow an ignorant man play with her mind and try to adjust here life?...”

I was silent and accepted here talk, to be honest I didn’t bother myself anymore, because I was enjoying my free open life…

Three years passed during which I had flashes of thought about my religion…

I was addicted to the Internet and a frequent visitor to the PalTalk rooms for a full year. One day I entered the room of “Izhar Alhaq”(i.e showing the truth) by mistake, in which I found people showing the dark side of the Christianity, and I had known that a different room was talking bad about Islam. I lost my feelings between both religions between Islam that I’ve been labeled with in my documents plus it is my father’s religion, and Christianity that I was raised with plus it is my mother’s religion… Since my feelings go towards both religions, I decided to find myself in this religion issue… so I stayed for two months shifting and listening to both the Islamic and the Christian room, I gave each room two hours ‘listening only’. After knowing the two religions I started having questions… so I began asking the administrators of both rooms for a whole month. I found warm welcomes and a listening ear from the Muslims more than the Christians, which had amazed me. The only answers I used to get from the Christians when I asked them about the ideas I got from the “Izhar Alhaq” room, is that they are lyres or that it is in the old testament… Old Testament??????? How can a holy book be for a certain period and then get replaced with new book, written by a created person which they call the new testament???? However, the Qur’an is one book! I have compared between both religions and found that Islam is the one that my mind and natural feelings move towards, where the cleanness, justice, and dignity lay . So after three months I chose Islam as my religion, I then visited ‘Hamel Almesk’ room “in PalTalk” to learn more about my new religion. I noticed that the people there were competing to help me especially brother ‘Muslim’ and brother ‘Albalsam Alshafee’ Jazahum Allah Khair…

Through them, I was introduced to some books, and websites on Islam. I have not faced any difficulties with this religion since its the religion of fitrah (i.e. nature). I announced the ‘Shahadatain’ in ‘Hamel Almesk’ room, then I took a shower, followed by two ‘Rak’ah’ prayers. After three days I wore ‘Alhijab’ (i.e. the head cover), through which my mother knew about my Islam… I can’t say nor describe what she said and did to bring me back to Christianity -because I am making my story brief - she even offered to allow me live a secular life without any limits… can you imagine this call from a mother to her daughter. She even tried to tear up the Qur’an once, but I showed up at the right time.. She tried in various ways, but couldn’t defeat my determination on Islam , I promised her that my religion would not affect her life, so she would leave me live freely…