1.
Never walk
without a document in your hands
People with documents in
their hands look like hardworking employees heading for important
meetings. People with nothing in their hands look like they're
heading for the cafeteria. People with a newspaper in their hand
look like they're heading for the toilet. Above all, make sure
you carry loads of stuff home with you at night, thus
generating the false impression that you work longer hours than
you do.
2.
Use
computers to look busy
Any time you use a computer,
it looks like "work" to the casual observer. You can send and
receive personal e-mail, chat and generally have a blast without
doing anything remotely related to work. These aren't
exactly the societal benefits that the proponents of the computer
revolution would like to talk about but they're not bad either.
When you get caught by your boss - and you *will* get caught --
your best defense is to claim you're teaching yourself to use new
software, thus saving valuable training dollars.
3.
Messy desk
Top management can get away
with a clean desk. For the rest of us, it looks like we're not
working hard enough. Build huge piles of documents around your
workspace. To the observer, last year's work looks the same as
today's work; it's volume that counts. Pile them high and wide. If
you know somebody is coming to your cubicle, bury the document
you'll need halfway down in an existing stack and rummage for it
when he/she arrives.
4.
Voice Mail
Never
answer your phone if you have voice mail. People don't call you
just because they want to give you something for nothing - they
call because they want YOU to do work for THEM. That's no way to
live. Screen all your calls through voice mail. If
somebody leaves a voice mail message for you and it sounds like
impending work, respond during lunch hour when you know they're
not there - it looks like you're hardworking and conscientious
even though you're being a devious weasel.
5.
Looking
Impatient and Annoyed
According to George Costanza,
one should also always try to look impatient and annoyed to give
your bosses the impression that you are always busy.
6.
Leave the
office late
Always
leave the office late, especially when the boss is still around.
You could read magazines and storybooks that you always wanted to
read but have no time until late before leaving. Make sure you
walk past the boss' room on your way out. Send important emails
at unearthly hours (e.g. 9:35pm, 7:05am, etc.) and during public
holidays.
7.
Creative
Sighing for Effect
Sigh loudly when there are
many people around, giving the impression that you are under
extreme pressure.
8.
Stacking
Strategy
It is not enough to pile lots
of documents on the table. Put lots of books on the floor etc.
(thick computer manuals are the best).
9.
Build
Vocabulary
Read up on some computer
magazines and pick out all the jargon and new products. Use the
phrases freely when in conversation with bosses. Remember: They
don't have to understand what you say, but you sure sound
impressive.
10.
MOST
IMPORTANT:
DON'T
forward this to your boss by mistake!!!