Our Human Relations: An Islamic perspective

Sheikh Shaker Alsayed

slam is both an idealistic and a pragmatic religion at the same time. It is idealistic in that it guides people to follow a path of principles, and to live according to certain rules and a specific standard, regardless of whether others do the same.
The Messenger of Allah (pbuh) said, “Let not any one of you mimic others, saying, ‘If people do good, I would do good, and if people do evil, I would do evil.’ Instead, train yourself to do good if people do good, and to avoid evil-doing if people do evil.” Likewise, the Qur’an instructs us to respond with that which is better; in turn, this makes the one who holds you in animosity treat you as a very dear friend.

Imagine a world in which people are not driven by evil instantaneous instincts — that tit-for-tat mentality. Imagine a world in which we all are holding ourselves to even higher standards than we hold our relatives, neighbors, friends, colleagues, and all others.

Try putting yourself in the shoes of the Messenger of Allah (pbuh), who endured extreme abuse from his neighbor, but never regarded him as an enemy. Instead, he even paid him a visit when he became sick.

Or try to reflect on his attitude toward Khalid Ibn Al Waleed, a person who not only held the Prophet (pbuh) as his enemy, but also fought him long and hard. In fact, the Muslims suffered their most humiliating defeat at the hands of Khalid’s army in the battle of Uhud. The Muslims lost seventy of their most courageous leaders, and the Messenger of Allah’s (pbuh) jaw was broken, and his heel was badly injured and bleeding.

During the eighth year of the Hijrah (migration from Makkah to Medina), Khalid was at it again — leading the pagan militia that prevented the Prophet and his companions from entering Makkah for Umra (the minor pilgrimage). Considering the standard practice of the time, a man with such a record should have been held “enemy combatant” forever, and his head called for — “dead or alive.” However, the Messenger of Allah (pbuh) was not to follow the standards, but rather to establish higher standards. He sent Khalid a message that was both personal and merciful at the same time: “Khalid, we know that you have the wisdom that, we hope, would lead you nowhere but towards Islam.” Being the exemplary model he was, he did not look at Khalid through the narrow lens created by his dealings with him; instead, he went beyond that and envisioned Khalid as a Muslim, which, as we all know, he later became — not only by his own choice, but honored with the Prophet’s declaration that he was “the sharpened and ready sword of Allah.”

To do this is not an easy proposition. It takes more than what the usual cliché (“I’ll forgive but I can never forget”) requires. If we analyze the Messenger of Allah’s (pbuh) logic, we find that he gave heavier consideration to the welfare of the Muslim community and to Khalid personally than he did to himself or to the natural desire for revenge. How many of us are able to transcend this natural, yet evil, desire?

Take another example of the Prophet’s closest companion and supporter, Abu Bakr Al Siddique, whose daughter, Aisha, was the wife of the Messenger of Allah (pbuh). The hypocrites of Medina slandered her and attacked her reputation in the incident known as Hadeeth Al Ifk (the talk of smear). Among them was a poor relative of Abu Bakr who used to receive a monthly stipend from him. As Abu Bakr was annoyed by his participation in this smear campaign, he understandably decided not to assist him financially anymore. But Allah (swt) raised the standard practice of the time (and, presumably, of today) by addressing Abu Bakr’s position in the Qur’an: “And let not those of you with means and wealth stop helping relatives, the destitute, and those who migrated for the sake of Allah. Let them forgive and forget; wouldn’t you like Allah to forgive you?” (24: 22)

This incident illustrates, again, a very high standard of behavior. Abu Bakr was instructed to forgive the person who had slandered his daughter’s reputation, forget the incident, and continue helping him! The majority of us would find this extremely difficult, if not impossible, to do, but Abu Bakr did not.

Imagine such instructions coming to him (and all of us) in the form of revelations to the Messenger of Allah (pbuh) to deliver. He also had to forgive the person who had slandered his own wife. This required a very high standard of integrity and honesty.

Some of us may reply that these examples are from the Prophet and his companions, and that these standards cannot, and do not, apply to us. But Allah (swt) poses a very frank and down-to-earth question in the ayat (verses) quoted above to bring the point home to all of us: “Wouldn’t you like to be forgiven?”

This rhetorical question is the essence of the entire matter: If it were us needing forgiveness, wouldn’t we want to be forgiven?
The answer is quite obvious — yes, we would.

The implication of this admonition is “forgive to be forgiven.” And the surprising fact in this particular incident is that Abu Bakr had not done anything wrong; yet, this verse implied that the forgiveness that he was inclined to seek from Allah (swt) was contingent upon his ability to forgive someone who had wronged him and his daughter.

The common ground here is Abu Bakr’s and all of our need for Allah’s forgiveness, and for forgiveness from one another. This very practical illustration demonstrates the very idealistic dimension of Islam.

It is not impossible to forgive and forget. And forgiving others and forgetting their mistakes and wrongdoings are both a very healthy and necessary part of the therapy we need to heal our interpersonal wounds and treat our social ills.

Now, imagine a world of people who treat others as they want to be treated. That world is right here if each one of us will only take the first step ourselves. But if we wait for others to start first, it is indeed a long shot.

Try implementing this formula in your interactions with your spouse, your children, and your brothers and sisters in the community. Imagine that you are in the company of the Messenger of Allah (pbuh), or his great companion, Abu Bakr. This is how we can raise our standards and improve our relationships.

http://www.americanmuslim.org/14ourreligion14b.html