All praise is due to Allah, Lord of the worlds, the
Merciful, the Hearer of supplications, and peace and
blessings upon our beloved and humble prophet
Muhammad,and upon his family and companions.

When marriage is spoken of during these "modern"
times, Muslims become horrified, conjuring images of
an arranged marriage, trying to find that "perfect"
companion, how much of a financial burden it will
become, and so on. The reality is that Islam came to
solve these problems, not exacerbate them, yet
unfortunately we have integrated our local traditions
and customs with Islam so that marriage has become a
major concern for a man rather than a delightful
experience.

When living in a free, perverted and corrupt society,
the Muslim male youth finds many temptations and
tests, as a result of mixing with females, which he
must face and overcome. He must constantly resist
these temptations, which are thrown at him in the
streets, on the media, and at work. And so the wisdom
of the Prophet (s.a.w) echoes on, when he said: "O
young men, those among you who can support a wife
should marry, for it restrains the eyes from casting
(evil glances), and preserves one from immorality..."

When seriously considering marriage, you must pose the
question to yourself as to just what kind of wife you
want, what her qualities should be in order to
establish an Islamic and peaceful household, and how
you will know who she is.

As Muslims, we believe that Allah wants the best for
us, and that His Prophet (s.a.w) illustrated this
through his own life. So note that by following the
advise of our own Creator, and that of His beloved
servant, we can only be successful.

WHO TO MARRY

Islam is clear on the kind of wife you should be
seeking. The Prophet (s.a.w) said: "A woman may be
married for four reasons: for her property, her
status, her beauty, and her religion; so try to get
one who is religious, may you be blessed." This
specifically defines just what kind of a companion we
are seeking, for if we marry her for anything other
than her religious piety, our marriage is bound to
fall into misery. True, beauty and charm is hard to
resist, yet beauty does not last forever and does not
guarantee you her obedience and religiousness.
Financial status is dynamic, and so is worldly status,
yet religion strongly establishes a household, and it
may be that through your intention of marrying her for
her religion, the rest is given to you anyway.

In another hadith, the Prophet (s.a.w) said: "The
whole world is a provision, and the best object of
benefit of the world is the pious woman." Imagine!
Nothing in this world is as valuable as a pious woman!
This point has been stressed many times by Rasulallah
(s.a.w), who himself, when asked what three things he
loved the most, mentioned a pious woman. Once the
following ayah was revealed: "They who hoard up gold
and silver and do not spend it in the way of Allah,
unto them give tidings of a painful doom. On that day
when it will (all) be heated in the fire of Jahannam,
and their foreheads and flanks and their backs will be
branded therewith (and it will be said to them): 'Here
is what you hoarded for yourselves, now taste of what
you used to hoard' "[al-Taubah: 34-35]. Umar (r.a.a)
has been quoted to say that, when this ayah was
revealed, he approached the Prophet (s.a.w),
submitting that the ayah weighed heavily on the minds
of the Sahaba. Rasulallah (s.a.w) replied that the
best thing to be treasured is the devoted wife who
causes pleasure when seen, obeys orders instantly and
takes full care of herself and her husbands property
when he is away. Abu Bakr once asked Rasulallah
(s.a.w) what was the best thing to be treasured, and
he (s.a.w) replied: "the tongue in remembrance of
Allah, the heart filled with thanks to Allah, and a
pious wife who helps in virtuous deeds". Look at how
valuable such a woman is in the sight of Allah! How
can a man live unhappily with such a person.

QUALITIES OF THE PIOUS WOMAN

Alright, you say, you've convinced me, but what
actually makes her a pious woman? The answer is
simple: Allah himself has described those qualities
most loved by Him in the Qur'an, and in the ahadith
there are numerous accounts of the virtuous attributes
of a pious woman.

The following are some ayahs on the attributes of the
wife you should be seeking, so note those fine and
appreciative qualities.

"And women of purity are for men of purity, and men of
purity are for women of purity"[s.24;v.26]

"Therefore the righteous women are devoutly obedient,
and guard in (the husbands) absence what Allah would
have them guard"[s.4;v.34]

"It may be, if he divorced you (all), that Allah will
give him in exchange consorts better than you, who
submit (Muslims), who believe, who are devout, who
turn to Allah in repentance, who worship (in
humility), who travel (for faith) and
fast..."[s.66;v.5].

And then, in surah Ahzab, is a full list of those
qualities loved by Allah, qualities which by the way
should be evident in both males and females. So, my
dear brother, choose her for the following attributes:
-a Muslim woman
-a believing woman
-a devout woman
-a true woman
-a woman who is patient and constant
-a woman who humbles herself
-a woman who gives charity
-a woman who fasts and denies herself
-a woman who guards her chastity
-a woman who engages much in Allah's praise.

Among the four known perfect women was Maryam. She was
loved by Allah because of her religious qualities: "O
Maryam! Worship your Lord: prostrate yourself, and bow
down (in prayer) with those who bow down"[s.3;v.43].
Another was the wife of Pharaoh: "And Allah sets
forth, as an example to those who believe, the wife of
Pharaoh: behold she said: 'O my Lord, build for me, in
nearness to Thee, a mansion in the Garden'
"[s.66;v.11].

The Prophet (s.a.w) loved his wives because of their
religious qualities. Aisha once related the fine
qualities of Zainab: "(Zainab) was the one who was
somewhat equal in rank with me in the eyes of Allah's
Messenger (s.a.w), and I have never seen a woman more
advanced in religious piety than Zainab, more
God-conscious, more truthful, more alive to the ties
of blood, more generous and having more sense of
self-sacrifice in practical life and having more
charitable disposition and thus more closer to Allah,
the Exalted, than her."

Ahh, you think, but you'll never find such a woman!
Well, if that was true, Allah would not have described
her in the first place, and furthermore those
qualities were emanating from the women described
above. Islam deals with reality, not fiction. Sure,
the perfect woman doesn't exist, yet "if you take a
dislike to them, it may be that you dislike a thing,
and Allah brings about through it a great deal of
good"[s.4;v.19]. Remember also that you are not
perfect either.

KNOWING WHO SHE IS

To find that pious woman, there are two steps to be
taken, and that first one relies on your personal
observation. In surah Nisaa, Allah asks the believing
women that they should "lower their gaze and guard
their modesty; that they should not display their
beauty and ornaments," and also that they "should not
strike their feet in order to draw attention to their
hidden ornaments"[s.24;v.31]. If you notice a woman
acting modestly, being not too obvious through her
actions (by lowering her voice when around men), one
who attempts to hide her attractions (which includes
her external beauty as well as her internal charms),
then you know she has some of those precious
qualities. When you see a woman unashamedly flirting,
unconcerned about her revealing clothes, and freely
converses with males- keep far, far away. I'm sure
when you get married you want your wife to devote her
love to you, not to twenty other "just good friends".

Through simple observation, you can get a glimpse of
her nature; for example, the way she stands when
conversing, how she maintains eye-contact, her
clothes, where she spends her time etc. Look for her
strong points, and don't stress on her weak ones.

Yet, after all this, we still have to come to the most
important topic. You can look all you want at her, set
a private investigator to track her movements, read
her diaries (all of which I consider extreme and
unIslamic), yet, my dear brother, no-one knows her
heart and intentions, no-one knows whether she will
turn sour or more religious, or whether you are
suitable for each other, except for Allah.

TRUST IN ALLAH

We are choosing our wife for her permanent values;
namely her religious devotions, moral integrity,
character etc. But believe me, if we try ourselves to
combine a marriage, we are almost sure to fail,
because we have no knowledge.

Allah loves a servant when he puts his trust in Him.
When we do so, it is illustrating how we rely upon Him
for help, and proving our sincerity to Him,
establishing that we recognise His infinite knowledge
and wisdom.

Islam is likened to being as a house, and in my
estimation nothing cements that house together as well
as putting our trust in Allah.

It is related on the authority of Jabir ibn 'Abdullah
that the Prophet (s.a.w) used to teach his companions
to seek, through a special du'a (known as an
istikharah), the guidance of Allah in all matters
which affected them. Rasulallah (s.a.w) said: "When
you are confused about what you should do in a certain
situation, then pray two rak'at of nafl salaat and
read the following du'a (du'a of istikharah)."

I am surprised at the criticisms thrown at this du'a,
and of its negligence. We are humans, powerless in
this sphere of life, knowledgeable only enough to
survive. So why shouldn't we turn to Allah and seek
His perfect help whenever we require it? Allah
responds to the call of His servant when he asks for
guidance, and we are after all seeking to do something
in order to please Him.

Many wrong notions exist concerning istikharah. Many
Muslims will pray, read the du'a, and run to bed
expecting to see a dream showing them their future
wife, what her favourite colour is, and some other
weird fantasy. That is not the purpose of this salaat.


The results of an istikharah can take many forms.
Basically, you go by your feelings, whether you now
feel more favourable or not. Also, you may notice
events have changed, either for or against you.
Finally, as a wonderful gift from Allah, you may be
blessed with a dream. Note that you must follow the
results of an istikharah, because not doing so is
tantamount to rejecting Allah's guidance once you've
asked for it. Also, you should firstly clear your
mind, not have your mind already decided, and then
afterwards follow the results willingly.

The Prophet (s.a.w) once sent Zainab a proposal of
marriage. She refused to accept the proposal straight
away, expressing her intention to refer the matter to
Allah: "I do not do anything until I solicit the will
of my Lord." Allah, the Responsive, answered her plea
for help and revealed an ayah approving of the
marriage. We may seem shocked at her refusal to accept
a proposal from what is the best husband any woman can
have, yet she was just recognising that it is Allah
who knows how successful such a marriage will be, and
as a sign of appreciation, that reply is now preserved
in our Holy Book: al Qur'an.

The Prophet (s.a.w) once said to Aisha: "I saw you in
a dream for three nights when an angel brought you to
me in a silk cloth and he said: 'Here is your wife',
and when I removed (the cloth) from your face, lo, it
was yourself, so I said: 'if this is from Allah, let
Him carry it out' ".

Marriage is a serious step, and requires the right
attitude. If marriage completes half our faith,
shouldn't that half be the best half? A woman married
for the wrong reasons can only weaken the Muslim
household. Consider that she will be your life-long
companion, the rearer of your children. Don't marry
her for her worldly wealth, but for her wealth in
Islamic wisdom and knowledge. Her status in this life
is but illusionary, so choose her for her status in
the sight of Allah. Beauty is but superficial, but the
beauty of Iman is transcendent.

When asking Allah for a wife, call upon Him by His
beautiful names, as He has commanded us: "For Allah
are certain and dignified names: therefore call upon
Him by them"[s.7;v.189]. Ask for a companion who is
devout, pious, patient and so on. Be among those who
say: "Our Lord, may our spouses and our offspring be a
joy to our eyes and make us leaders of the
righteous"[al-Furqan,74].

I cannot provide a better conclusion than saying that
you must put your trust in Allah. You must have trust
in His concern for us, and His ability to help us.
Allah says: "Put your trust in Allah, for Allah loves
those who put their trust in Him"[s.3;v.159].

May Allah help us in our sincere efforts in following
His commandments and the way of His beloved servant,
and provide us with wives whom He loves.

"When my servants ask you concerning Me, I am indeed
close (to them): I respond to the prayer of every
supplicant when he calls on Me: let them also, with a
will, listen to my call, and believe in Me: that they
may walk in the right way"[al-Baqarah,v.186].

By: IBRAHIM ABU KHALID

Do not marry unbelieving women (idolaters), until they
believe: A slave woman who believes is better than an
unbelieving woman, even though she allures you. Nor
marry (your girls) to unbelievers until they believe:
A man slave who believes is better than an unbeliever,
even though he allures you. Unbelievers do (but)
beckon you to the Fire. But Allah beckons by His Grace
to the Garden (of bliss) and forgiveness, and makes
His Signs clear to mankind: That they may celebrate
His praise. (The Noble Quran 2:221)