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Attributes of the ideal Muslim
husband
Praise be to Allah.
There follows a description of the most important qualities
which should be
present in the man whom you choose or accept to be your husband
and the
father of your children, if Allaah decrees that you will have
children.
Religious commitment. This is the most important thing to look
for in the
man you want to marry. The husband should be a Muslim who
adheres to all the
laws and teachings of Islam in his daily life. The woman’s
guardian (wali)
should strive to check out this matter and not rely only on
outward
appearances. One of the most important things to ask about is
the man’s
prayer (salaah); the one who neglects the rights of Allaah is
more likely to
neglect the rights of others. The true believer does not
oppress or mistreat
his wife; if he loves her, he honours her, and if he does not
love her, he
does not mistreat or humiliate her. It is very rare to find
this attitude
among those who are not sincere Muslims. Allaah says
(interpretation of the
meanings):
“and verily, a believing slave is better than a (free) Mushrik
(idolater),
even though he pleases you” [al-Baqarah 2:221]
“Verily, the most honourable of you with Allaah is that
(believer) who has
At-Taqwaa [i.e. he is one of the Muttaqoon (the pious)]” [al-Hujuraat
49:13]
“Good statements are for good people (or good women for good
men) and good
people for good statements (or good men for good women)” [al-Noor
24:26]
The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said:
“If there comes to you one whose religious commitment and
attitude pleases
you, then marry [your female relative who is under your care]
to him, for if
you do not do that, there will be tribulation on earth and much
corruption.”
(Narrated by al-Tirmidhi and classed as saheeh by al-Albaani in
Saheeh Sunan
al-Tirmidhi, 1084).
As well as being religiously committed, it is preferable that
he should come
from a good family and a known lineage. If two men come to
propose marriage
to one woman, and they are equal in terms of religious
commitment, then
preference should be given to the one who comes from a good
family that is
known for its adherence to the commands of Allaah, so long as
the other
person is not better than him in terms of religious commitment
– because the
righteousness of the husband’s close relatives could be passed
on to his
children and his good origins and lineage may make him refrain
from many
foolish and cheap actions. The righteousness of the father and
grandfather
are beneficial to the children and grandchildren. Allaah says
(interpretation of the meaning):
“And as for the wall, it belonged to two orphan boys in the
town; and there
was under it a treasure belonging to them; and their father was
a righteous
man, and your Lord intended that they should attain their age
of full
strength and take out their treasure as a mercy from your Lord”
[al-Kahf
18:82].
See how Allaah protected their father’s wealth for the two boys
after the
father died, as an honour to him because of his righteousness
and taqwaa. By
the same token, if the husband comes from a righteous family
and his parents
are good, Allaah will make things easy for him and protect him
as an honour
to his parents.
It is good if he has sufficient wealth to keep him and his
family from
having to ask people for anything, because the Prophet (peace
and blessings
of Allaah be upon him) said to Faatimah bint Qays (may Allaah
be pleased
with her), when she came to consult him about three men who had
proposed
marriage to her, “As for Mu’aawiyah, he is a poor man who has
no wealth…”
(Narrated by Muslim, 1480). It is not essential that he should
be a
businessman or rich, it is sufficient for him to have an income
that will
keep him and his family from having to ask people for anything.
If there is
a choice between a man who is religiously committed and a man
who is
wealthy, then the religious man should be given preference over
the wealthy
man.
It is preferable that he should be kind and gentle towards
women, because
the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said
to Faatimah
bint Qays, in the hadeeth quoted above, “As for Abu Jaham, his
stick never
leaves his shoulder”, referring to the fact that he used to
beat women a
lot.
It is good if he is sound of body and healthy, free of faults,
sickness,
etc., and not disabled or sterile.
It is preferable that he should have knowledge of the Qur’aan
and Sunnah; if
you find someone like this it is good, otherwise you should
realize that
this is something rare.
It is permissible for the woman to look at the man who comes to
propose
marriage, and for him to look at her. This should be in the
presence of her
mahram, and it is not permitted to look more than is necessary,
or for him
to see her alone, or for her to go out with him on her own, or
to meet
repeatedly for no reason.
According to Islam, the woman’s wali (guardian) should check on
the man who
proposes marriage to the woman who is under his guardianship;
he should ask
those whom he trusts among those who mix with him and who know
him, about
his commitment to Islam and his trustworthiness. He should ask
them for an
honest opinion and sincere, sound advice.
Before and during all of this, you must turn towards Allaah and
pray to Him
to make it easy for you and help you to make a good choice and
to grant you
wisdom. Then after all these efforts, when you have decided on
a particular
person, you should pray Istikhaarah, asking Allaah for that
which is good.
For more details on Salaat al-Istikhaarah, please see Question
# 2217. Then
after you have done your utmost, put your trust in Allaah, for
He is the
best of helpers, may He be glorified.
Adapted from Jaami’ Ahkaam al-Nisaa’ by Shaykh Mustafaa al-‘Adawi.
We ask Allaah, the Exalted, the Powerful, to make things easy
for you, to
help you make a wise choice, and to bless you with a righteous
husband and
good offspring, for He is Able to do all that. May Allaah bless
our Prophet
Muhammad.
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