The father's duty is to bring his children up well and to take care
of them, and hitting may be used as a means of discipline when the
situation requires that. The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah
be upon him) commanded us to smack children for not praying when they
reach the age of ten, but this should be the last resort, when all
others have failed, and there should be no harshness in the hitting,
and we must not hit the face. The father should not hit his child at
the time of extreme anger, or with a sharp instrument that may injure
him, or with anything that may break bones, and he should not hit him
in a place where a blow may be fatal. Brandishing the stick may be
more effective than actually hitting. The point is that when
disciplining his child, a father should follow the principle of using
the gentlest means then the next gentlest; he should not resort to
the harshest and most difficult means if he can achieve his aim with
something that is easier and gentler.

With regard the guidance of children, the parents must do the things
that will lead to that, such as advising them, keeping them away from
bad company, helping them to maintain ties with righteous friends,
treating them well and continuing to pray for them to be righteous
and to be guided. Among the du'aa's for children that have been
narrated are:

"Our Lord! Bestow on us from our wives and our offspring the comfort
of our eyes" [al-Furqaan 25:74 – interpretation of the meaning]

and:

"and make my offspring good" [al-Ahqaaf 46:15 – interpretation of the
meaning]

-- or any other good du'aa', but along with making du'aa' one must
also use other means that will help to make them strong and steadfast
in Islam. And Allaah is the guide to the Straight Path


Raising and educating children is one of the duties required of
parents. Allaah has enjoined that in the Qur'aan, and the Messenger
(peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) also enjoined that.
Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):

"O you who believe! Ward off yourselves and your families against a
Fire (Hell) whose fuel is men and stones, over which are (appointed)
angels stern (and) severe, who disobey not, (from executing) the
Commands they receive from Allaah, but do that which they are
commanded"[al-Tahreem 66:6]

Imam al-Tabari said, commenting on this verse:

Here Allaah is saying: O you who believe in Allaah and His
Messenger, "Ward off yourselves" teach one another that which will
protect those who do it from the Fire and ward it off from them, if
it is done in obedience to Allaah and they do it in obedience to
Allaah. The phrase "and your families against a Fire" means, and
teach your families to do acts of obedience to Allaah so that they
may protect themselves from the Fire.

Tafseer al-Tabari, 18/165

Al-Qurtubi said:

Muqaatil said: This is a duty that he owes to himself, his children,
his family and his male and female slaves. Ilkiya said: We have to
teach our children and families religious commitment and goodness,
and what they cannot do without of etiquette. This is what Allaah
says (interpretation of the meaning):

"And enjoin As-Salaat (the prayer) on your family, and be patient in
offering them [i.e. the Salaat (prayers)]"[Ta-Ha 20:132]

And Allaah said to the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon
him) (interpretation of the meaning):

"And warn your tribe (O Muhammad) of near kindred"[al-Shu'ara'
26:214]

And the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said:

"And teach them (children) to pray when they are seven years old."

Tafseer al-Qurtubi, 18/196

The Muslim – any Muslim – is a daa'iyah who calls people to Allaah,
so the first people whom he calls should be his children and family
who are close to him. When Allaah commanded His Messenger (peace and
blessings of Allaah be upon him) to call people, He said
(interpretation of the meaning):

"And warn your tribe (O Muhammad) of near kindred"[al-Shu'ara'
26:214]

because they are the first people to whom he should do good and show
mercy.

The Messenger (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) gave the
parents the responsibility of raising the children and made that
obligatory upon them.

It was narrated that `Abd-Allaah ibn `Umar said: I heard the
Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him)
say: "Each of you is a shepherd and each of you is responsible for
his flock. The ruler is a shepherd and is responsible for his flock.
A man is the shepherd of his family and is responsible for his flock.
A woman is the shepherd of her husband's household and is responsible
for her flock. A servant is the shepherd of his master's wealth and
is responsible for his flock." He said: and I think he said, "A man
is the shepherd of his father's wealth and is responsible for his
flock. Each of you is a shepherd and is responsible for his flock."

Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 583; Muslim, 1829.

Part of your duty is to bring them up from a young age to
love Allaah and His Messenger and to love the teachings of Islam. You
should tell them that Allaah has a Paradise and a Hell; that His Hell
is hot and its fuel is men and stones. The following story contains
an important lesson.

Ibn al-Jawzi said:

There was a king who had a lot of wealth, and he had a daughter and
no other children. He loved her very much, and he used to let her
enjoy all kinds of entertainment. This went on for a long time.
Beside the king there lived a devoted worshipper, and whilst he was
reciting one night, he raised his voice saying, "O you who believe!
Ward off yourselves and your families against a Fire (Hell) whose
fuel is men and stones " [al-Tahreem 66:6 – interpretation of the
meaning]. The girl heard his recitation and said to her
servants, "Stop!" But they did not stop. The worshipper started to
repeat the verse, and the girl kept telling them to stop, but they
did not stop. She put her hands to her collar and tore her garment,
and they went to her father and told him the story. He went to her
and said, "My dear, what happened to you tonight? What made you
weep?" and he hugged her. She said, "I ask you by Allaah, O my
father, to tell me, does have Allaah have a Fire the fuel of which is
men and stones?" He said, "Yes." She asked him, "Why did you not tell
me? By Allaah I will not eat any good food or sleep on any soft bed
until I know whether my abode is in Paradise or Hell."

Safwat al-Safwah, 4/437-438

You have to keep them away from the places of immorality and
misguidance; do not leave them to grow up with evil things from the
television etc, then after that expect them to be righteous, for
whoever sows thorns cannot harvest grapes. That should be done when
they are young, so that it will be easy for them when they grow up,
and they will get used to it, and it will be easy for you to tell
them what to do and what not to do, and it will be easy for them to
obey you.

It was narrated that Abu Hurayrah (may Allaah be pleased with him)
said: The Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon
him) said: "Teach your children to pray when they are seven years
old, and smack them if they do not do so when they are ten, and
separate them in their beds."

Narrated by Abu Dawood, 495; classed as saheeh by Shaykh al-Albaani
in Saheeh al-Jaami', 5868

But the educator must be merciful, forbearing, easy-going and
approachable, not foul-mouthed or unkempt, arguing in a manner that
is better, far removed from insulting, rebuking and beating, unless
the child is one of those who willfully disobey and rejects his
father's commands and neglects his duties and does haraam things; in
that case it is better to use stern measures with him, without
causing him harm.

Al-Minaawi said: For a father to discipline his child when he reaches
the age of discernment means that he should raise him with the
characteristics of the righteous believers and protect him from
mixing with evildoers; he should teach him the Qur'aan and good
manners and the language of the Arabs, let him hear the Sunnah and
the sayings of the Salaf and teach him the religious rulings that he
cannot do without. He should warn him then smack him if he does not
pray etc. That will be better for him than giving a saa' in charity,
because if he teaches him properly, his actions will be among his
ongoing charity, whereas the reward for a saa' of charity is limited,
but that will last as long as the child lives. Discipline is the
nourishment of the soul, and training it for the Hereafter.

"O you who believe! Ward off yourselves and your families against a
Fire (Hell)…"

[al-Tahreem 66:6 – interpretation of the meaning]

Protecting yourself and your family from it means reminding them of
Hell. Discipline includes preaching, warning, threatening, smacking,
detaining, giving and being kind. Disciplining one who is good and
noble is different from disciplining one who is difficult and
ignoble.

Fayd al-Qadeer, 5/257

Smacking is a means of correcting the child; it is not something that
it wanted in and of itself, rather it is resorted to if the child is
stubborn and disobedient.

There is a system of punishment in Islam, and there are many
punishments in Islam, such as the hadd punishments for adultery,
theft, slander, etc. All of these are prescribed in order to set the
people straight and put a stop to their evil.

Concerning such matters the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be
upon him) advised parents to deter their children from doing wrong.

It was narrated from Ibn `Abbaas that the Messenger of Allaah (peace
and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: "Hang your whip where the
members of the household can see it, for that will discipline them."

Narrated by al-Tabaraani, 10/248; its isnaad was classed as hasan by
al-Haythami in Majma' al-Zawaa'id, 8/106

Al-Albaani said in Saheeh al-Jaami', 4022, it is hasan.

So raising children should be a balance between encouragement and
warning. The most important element of all is making the environment
in which the children live a good one, by providing the means whereby
they may be guided; this means that their educators should be
religiously committed, including their parents.

One of the ways in which a parent may be successful in raising his
children is to use a cassette player to play tapes of teachings,
Qur'aan recitation, khutbahs and lessons of scholars, for there are
many available.

With regard to the books that you asked about, which you can refer to
with regard to raising children, we recommend the following:

Tarbiyat al-Atfaal fi Rihaab al-Islam by Muhammad Haamid al-Naasir
and Khawlah `Abd al-Qaadir Darweesh

Kayfa yurabbi al-Muslim waladahu by Muhammad Sa'eed al-Mawlawi

Tarbiyat al-Abna' fi'l-Islam by Muhammad Jameel Zayno

Kayfa nurabbi Atfaalana by Mahmoud Mahdi al-Istanbuli

Mas'ooliyat al-Abb al-Muslim fi Tarbiyat al-Walad by `Adnaan Ba
Haarith

And Allaah knows best.