Praise be
to Allaah.
Know
that the rights of the mother over her child include his
being kind to her and treating her well. Allaah says
(interpretation of the meanings):
“And
that you be dutiful to your parents” [al-Israa’ 17:23]
“And
We have enjoined on man to be good and dutiful to his
parents” [al-‘Ankaboot 29:8]
“give
thanks to Me and to your parents” [Luqmaan 31:14]
Abu
‘Amr al-Shaybaani said: “I asked the Messenger of Allaah
(peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) which deed was
most beloved to Allaah. He said: ‘Prayer performed at the
right time.’” He asked, “Then what?” He said, “Honouring
one's parents.” He said, “Then what?” He said, “Jihaad for
the sake of Allaah.” (al-Bukhaari, 5970)
Ibn
Hajar said in Al-Fath (10/401): “The Aayah implies
that one should honour and obey one's parents even if they
are Kaafirs. The Prophet
(peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) explained with
regard to another hadeeth that it is good to honour one's
parents even after they have died. It was reported that
‘Abd-Allaah ibn ‘Umar met a Bedouin man on the way to Makkah.
‘Abd-Allaah greeted him with salaam, mounted him on the
donkey he was riding, and gave him a turban that he had been
wearing on his head. Ibn Deenaar said, we said to him, May
Allaah bring you back to your senses! They are only Bedouin
and they would be content with little. ‘Abd-Allaah said: this
man’s father used to be a friend of ‘Umar ibn al-Khattaab,
and I heard the Messenger of Allaah
(peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) say that the best
of good deeds is for a son to uphold ties with his father’s
friends. (Saheeh Muslim, 4629). Al-Ubayy said in his
commentary on Muslim (8/496): this means that the best good
deed is to give preference to one's father’s relatives over
others.
As for
the son’s rights over his mother, these include a good
upbringing, kind treatment and compassion, which involves
fully breastfeeding the child, educating him and spending on
him if the father is not present.
With
regard to your mother’s rejection of the girl you wanted to
marry, you have to find out the reasons why your mother did
not like her, because a person’s judgement is a reflection of
the impressions he or she has. Perhaps your mother looks at
the matter from a different angle than you do. Perhaps she
rejected this girl for a reason that is quite legitimate from
an Islamic point of view, such as the girl not being
committed to Islam. Maybe after researching the matter and
consulting with others, she found out that this girl was not
the right one for you; in this case you should obey her.
But if
your mother rejected her on the basis of her own whims, and
not for any reason that has to do with Sharee’ah, or she
rejected her because she (the girl) is strongly committed to
Islam, then in this case you do not have to obey your mother,
but you should try to win her over gently. You could get some
good people whom she respects to intervene in the matter if
you wish. And Allaah is the source of strength.