Love your Wife until Jannah

By Sheikh Abdullah Adhami

By getting married you are not just getting a wife, you are getting your
whole world. From now until the rest of your days your wife will be your
partner, your companion, and your best friend.

She will share your moments, your days, and your years. She will share your
joys and sorrows, your successes and failures, your dreams and your fears.
When you are ill, she will take the best care of you; when you need help,
she will do all she can for you. When you have a secret, she will keep it;
when you need advice, she will give you the best advice.

She will always be with you: when you wake up in the morning the first thing
your eyes will see will be hers; during the day, she will be with you, if
for a moment she is not with you by her physical body, she will be thinking
of you, praying for you with all her heart, mind, and soul; when you go to
sleep at night, the last thing your eyes will see will be her; and when you
are asleep you will still see her in your dreams. In short, she will be your
whole world and you will be her whole world.

The best description that I personally have ever read describing the
closeness of the spouses to each other is the Qur'anic verse which says:
"They are your garments and you are their garments" (Surah Al Baqarah
2:187).

Indeed, spouses are like garments to each other because they provide one
another with the protection, the comfort, the cover, the support, and the
adornment that garments provide to humans. Just imagine a journey in the
winter of Alaska without garments! Our spouses provide us with the same
level of comfort, protection, cover, and support in the journey of our lives
on this earth as garments would do in the Alaskan journey.

The relationship between the spouses is the most amazing of all human
relations: the amount of love and affection, intimacy and closeness, mercy
and compassion, peace and tranquillity that fills the hearts of the spouses
is simply inexplicable. The only rational explanation for these most amazing
of all human feelings is that: it is an act of Allah Subhanahu wa Ta'ala,
"And Allah has made for you Mates (and Companions of your own nature ..."
(Surah Al Nahl 16:72).

Only our Almighty Allah Subhanahu wa Ta'ala in His Infinite Power, Boundless
Mercy, and Great Wisdom can create and ingrain these amazing and blessed
feelings in the hearts of the spouses. In fact Allah Subhanahu wa Ta'ala is
reminding those who search for His signs in the universe that these feelings
in the hearts of the spouses are among the signs that should guide humans to
His existence as He says in the Qur'an, "And among His signs is this, that
He created for you mates from among yourselves that you may dwell in
tranquillity with them and He has put love and mercy between your hearts:
verily in that are signs for those who reflect." (Surah Al Rum 30:21).

But Allah Subhanahu wa Ta'ala knows that the human heart is not a static
entity, it is sometimes weak and at times dynamic. Feelings can and do
change with time. Love may wither and fade away. The marital bond might
weaken if not properly cared for. Happiness in marriage cannot be taken for
granted; continuous happiness requires constant giving from both sides. For
the tree of marital love to remain alive and keep growing, the soil has to
be sustained, maintained, watered and nurtured.

Remember that you will be rewarded by Allah Subhanahu wa Ta'ala for any
emotions you show to your wife as the Prophet (saww) said : "One would be
rewarded for anything that he does seeking the pleasure of Allah even the
food that he puts in the mouth of his wife".

Never underestimate the importance of seemingly little things as putting
food in your wife's mouth, opening the car's door for her, etc. Remember
that the Prophet (saww) used to extend his knee to his wife to assist her up
to ride the camel.

Try to always find some time for both of you to pray together. Strengthening
the bond between you and Allah Subhanahu wa Ta'ala is the best guarantee
that your own marital bond would always remain strong. Having peace with
Allah Subhanahu wa Ta'ala will always result in having more peace at home.

Remember that the Prophet (saww) gave glad tidings for those couples who
wake up at night to pray together. The Prophet (saww) even urged the spouse
who rises up first to wake the other spouse up even by throwing cold water
on his/her face.

Always try your best to be good to your wife by words and by deeds. Talk to
her, smile to her, seek her advice, ask for her opinion, spend quality time
with her and always remember that the Prophet (saww) said : "The best of you
are those who are best to their wives"

Finally, it is common that spouses vow to love and honor their spouses until
death do them part. I do believe that this vow is good or even great, but
not enough! It is not enough that you love your wife. You have to love what
she loves as well. Her family, her loved ones must also become your loved
ones.

Don't be like my colleague who was unhappy about his wife's parents coming
to visit for few weeks. He candidly said to her "I don't like your parents".
Naturally she angrily looked at him straight in the eye and said "I don't
like yours either".

Also, it is not enough that you love her until death do you part. Love
should never end and we do believe there is life after death where those who
did righteousness in this world will be joined by their spouses (Surah Al
Zukhruf 43:70) and offsprings.

The best example in this regard is the Prophet (saww) whose love for
Khadija, his wife of 25 years extended to include all those she loved and
continued even after her death. It was many years after her death and he
never forgot her and whenever a goat was slaughtered in his house he would
send portions of it to Khadija's family and friends and whenever he felt
that the visitor at the door might be Khadija's sister Hala, he would pray
saying "O Allah let it be Hala."

Wealth, Success & Love:

A woman came out of her house and saw 3 old men with long white beards
sitting in her front yard.
She did not recognize them. She said "I don't think I know you, but you must
be hungry. Please come in and have something to eat."

"Is the man of the house home?" they asked. "No", she replied "He's out."
"Then we cannot come in" they replied.

In the evening when her husband came home, she told him what had happened.
"Go tell them I am home and invite them in!" The woman went out and invited
the men in.

"We do not go into a House together," they replied. "Why is that?" she
asked.

One of the old men explained: "His name is Wealth," he said pointing to one
of his friends, and said pointing to another one, "He is Success, and I am
Love." Then he added, "Now please go in and discuss with your husband which
one of us you want in your home."

The woman went in and told her husband what was said. Her husband was
overjoyed. "How nice!!", he said. "Since that is the case, let us invite
Wealth. Let him come and fill our home with wealth!"

His wife disagreed. "My dear, why don't we invite Success?"

Their daughter was listening from the other corner of the house. She jumped
in with her own suggestion: "Would it not be better to invite Love? Our home
will then be filled with love!"

"Let us heed our daughter's advice," said the husband to his wife. "Go out
and invite Love to be our guest."

The woman went out and asked the 3 old men, "Which one of you is Love?
Please come in and be our guest."

Love got up and started walking towards the house. The other 2 also got up
and followed him. Surprised, the lady asked Wealth and Success: "I only
invited Love, why are you coming in?"

The old men replied together: "If you had invited Wealth or Success, the
other two of us would've stayed out, but since you invited Love, wherever he
goes, we go with him. Wherever there is Love,
there is also Wealth and Success!"

L O V E : Surah Al Imran 3:134 :- "Those who spend (freely) whether in
prosperity Or in adversity;
Who restrains anger, And pardon (all) men. For Allah loves those Who do
good".

W E A L T H : Surah Al Layl 92:18-19 :- "Those who spend their wealth for
increase in self-purification, And have in their minds no favour from anyone
for which a reward is expected in return".

S U C C E S S : Surah Al Najm 53:39-41 :- "That man can have nothing but
what he strives for; that (the fruit of) his strivings will soon come in
sight; then will he be rewarded with a reward complete".
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