On the morning of Thursday, November 6, 1997
my identity became clear not only to me, but to every person I would encounter
from that day forward. I decided to wear the hijab and begin to develop myself
as a more conscientious Muslim woman. It was on that very day that I revealed
to the world that I am a Muslim and that I was no longer afraid to be who I
was.
For those of you who are unfamiliar with the
term, hijab, it literally means 'barrier' or 'something that covers or
conceals completely'. In today's non-Islamic societies, the true meaning of
the hijab is often replaced with such notions as scarves, kerchiefs, or
'head-pieces' - as one of my co-workers eloquently put it. Many people are
simply uneducated about the why Muslims must dress modestly and because of
this profound lack of knowledge and understanding many stereotypes and
misconceptions arise.
I am not going to go into the intricate
details about the purpose of the hijab or submerse myself in the ongoing
debate as to whether or not the hijab is an obligatory practice for Muslim men
and women. There are many fabulous books available that go through the
ins-and-outs of appropriate Muslim dress. Better yet, I implore all of you to
pick up a Qur'an, and read over the verses concerning modesty and dress.
In surah 24: Al Nur (or The Light), verses
30-31 it says:
Today, I am simply here to share with you my
personal experiences in hope that you may find some meaning and sense of
inspiration in what I have to say.
Raised in a Muslim family, I was brought up
with the basic, fundamental principles and values that Islam instills. I was
taught to pray, to fast, to be kind-hearted, generous and to share the deen of
Allah graciously with those around me. The thought of one day 'covering my
head' occasionally popped into my mind, but the thought that almost always
followed was - "Not until I'm ready!" I never really understood what hijab
meant. I often thought that it was man's clever way of keeping woman under his
control.
I soon came to realize that I very wrong. In
fact, the hijab was the perfect outlet for women to seek liberation, respect
and ultimate freedom from sexual harassment and the liking. For years and
years I would wake up extra early to style my hair according to what was 'in'
at the time. I would spend over an hour caking make-up onto my face, trying to
look beautiful - but never quite sure for who? Each morning I would eventually
make my way out into the world - not really prepared to be judged, solely on
my physical appearance, by every person I was to encounter along my path.
Now that I look back at who I was then, it
makes me grateful to Allah (SWT) to see how far he has brought me. For a time,
I was confused and somewhat lost, as are many young women in non-Islamic
nations - trying desperately to fit in to a society that dictates that beauty
is naked, emaciated teenagers on a billboards selling perfume and underwear. I
recently read that some of those models and actors that I once adored,
practically have to kill themselves to look the way they do. From face-lifts
to lipo-suction. Some even go as far as having their ribs removed so they can
have tiny waists!
The harder I tried to fit in, the more
frustrated I became. It finally dawned on me that the images being flashed in
front of me 24 hours a day could not possibly be true representations women's
liberation. I was convinced that there had to be a simpler answer somewhere.
It was at this point that I decided it was
time to put some more thought into this whole 'hijab' issue. And I did. For
3.5 years I contemplated the thought of wearing hijab, but the fear inside of
me was overwhelming. I was afraid of what my friends would say. I was afraid
of what my professors and colleagues might think. I was terrified that I would
be harassed at work, or even worse - fired! All of these thoughts raced
through my mind, day in and day out. Each time I seriously though about doing
it I would say, "But, I'm not ready yet!" A very convenient excuse I must say!
I finally said to myself, "Jennifer, look at
the big picture!" Now, when I say big picture, I don't mean next week, or in a
few months or even 25 years down the road. I mean the akhira - the hear-after.
I asked myself a very straightforward question. Who am I going to fear? These
strangers who I know not or Allah? I finally convinced myself that it was time
for me to take this step closer to Allah, as difficult as it may have seemed
at the time.
As I was having my very last doubt the verse
in Surah Al Baqarah (verse 286, I believe), continued to penetrate my heart:
"La yukalif Allah nafsin ila was3ha". "On no soul doth Allah place a burden
greater than it can bear". These are the very words that gave me the courage
to finally make the right choice. It was at that very moment that I said,
"Allah, I will wear this hijab because I believe in my heart that you have
asked me to do so. Please guide me and give me the strength to do this."
Just over a year has gone by now and I can
honesty tell you that I have never felt more free or more at peace with myself
and the world around me. In all fairness I will be honest and tell you that it
wasn't an easy thing to do. Quite frankly, it was probably the most difficult
challenge I've had to face in my life. Isn't it ironic how that works? The
things that will benefit us most and that make the most sense are often those
we fail to realize or have difficulty accepting.
I've had to deal with a variety of
off-the-wall comments. But what it all boils down to is me making a personal
decision to increase my faith and become what I believe to be a better Muslim.
To me the hijab not only represents modesty, purity, righteousness and
protection but truly is the ultimate state of respect and liberation. Alhamdou
lilah, I am free!