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I Want to Repent, But ...
The repentance of one who
killed a hundred
Abu Sa’eed al-Khudri (may Allaah be
pleased with him) reported that the Prophet of Allah (peace and blessings of
Allah be upon him) said: “There was among the people who came before you a man
who killed ninety-nine people. Then he asked about the most knowledgeable
person on earth, and was directed to a hermit, so he went to him, told him
that he had killed ninety-nine people, and asked if he could be forgiven. The
hermit said, ‘No,’ so he killed him, thus completing one hundred. Then he
asked about the most knowledgeable person on earth and was directed to a
scholar. He told him that he had killed one hundred people, and asked whether
he could be forgiven. The scholar said, ‘Yes, what could possibly come between
you and repentance? Go to such-and-such a town, for in it there are people who
worship Allah. Go and worship with them, and do not go back to your own town,
for it is a bad place.” So the man set off, but when he was halfway there, the
angel of death took his soul, and the angels of mercy and the angels of wrath
began to argue over him. The angels of mercy said: ‘He had repented and was
seeking Allah.’ The angels of wrath said: ‘He never did any good thing.’ An
angel in human form came to them, and they asked him to decide the matter. He
said: ‘Measure the distance between the two lands (his home town and the town
he was headed for), and whichever of the two he is closest to is the one to
which he belongs.’ So they measured the distance, and found that he was closer
to the town for which he had been headed, so the angels of mercy took him.”
(Agreed upon).
According to a report in
al-Saheeh: “The righteous town was a hand-span closer, so he was counted as
one of its people.” According to another report in al-Saheeh: “Allaah
commanded (the evil town) to move away, and (the righteous town) to move
closer, and said: ‘Measure the distance between them,’ and they found him to
be a hand-span closer to the righteous town, so he was forgiven.”
Will I be forgiven ?
You might say: “I want to repent, but my sins are many
indeed. There is no kind of immoral act, no kind of sin, imaginable or
otherwise, that I have not committed. It is so bad that I do not know if Allah
can forgive me for the things that I have done over the years.”
In response, this is not a unique problem; it is one
that is shared by many of those who wish to repent. The guiding principle
for one is to refer to the Qur’aan and Sunnah when one looks for rulings,
solutions and remedies. When one refers this matter to the Qur’aan, we find
that Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning): “Say: ‘O My
slaves who have transgressed against themselves (by committing evil deeds and
sins)! Despair not of the Mercy of Allah, verily Allah forgives all sins.
Truly, He is Oft-Forgiving, Most Merciful. And turn in repentance and in
obedience with true faith to your Lord and submit to Him…” [al-Zumar
39:53-54].
The feeling that one’s sins are too great to be forgiven
by Allah stems from a number of factors:
- The absence of certain faith on the part of the
slave in the vastness of Allah’s mercy
- A lack of faith in the ability of Allaah to forgive
all sins
- Weakness in one aspect of the heart’s action, namely
hope
- Failure to understand the effect of repentance in
wiping out sins.
It is sufficient to quote the words of Allah
(interpretation of the meaning): “… and My Mercy embraces all
things…” [al-A’raaf 7:156]
It is sufficient to quote the saheeh hadeeth qudsi:
“Allaah says: “Whoever knows that I am able to forgive all sins, I
shall forgive him, and I shall not mind, so long as he does not associate
anything with Me.’” (Reported by al-Tabaraani in al-Kabeer, and
by al-Haakim; Saheeh al-Jaami’, 4330). This refers to when the slave meets his
Lord in the Hereafter.
This may be remedied by referring to the hadeeth qudsi:
“ ‘O son of Adam, so long as you call upon Me and put your hope in
Me, I will forgive you for what you have done, and I shall not mind. O son of
Adam, if your sins were to reach the clouds of the sky, and you were to ask me
for forgiveness, I will forgive you and I shall not mind. O son of Adam, if
you were to come to Me with sins nearly the size of the earth, and you were to
meet Me not associating anything with Me, then I would bring you forgiveness
nearly the size of (the earth).’” (Reported by al-Tirmidhi;
Saheeh al-Jaami’, 4338).
It is sufficient to quote the hadeeth of the Prophet
(peace and blessings of Allah be upon him): “The one who repents
from his sin is like the one who did not sin in the first place.”
(Reported by Ibn Maajah; Saheeh al-Jaami’, 3008).
What should I do when I have sinned?
You might ask: “ If I commit a sin, how can I repent from it straightaway?
Is there anything that I should do straight after committing a sin? ”
The answer is that there are two things which
should be done after committing a sin. The first is to feel remorse in one's
heart; seek forgiveness and to be determined not to repeat the sin. This is
the result of fearing Allaah. The second is to undertake some physical
action to do different kinds of good deeds.
My sins haunt me
You might say: “I committed many sins, and I have
repented, but my sins pursue me and I am haunted by what I have done. My
memories disturb my sleep and do not let me have any rest. How can I free
myself?”
Some advise that these feelings are evidence of sincere
repentance. This is essentially remorse, and remorse is repentance. But you
can look at your past with hope: the hope that Allah will forgive you. Do not
despair of the mercy of Allah, for He says (interpretation of the meaning): “And
who despairs of the Mercy of his Lord except those who are astray?”
[al-Hijr 15:56]
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