|
 In
the Name of Allah, Most
Gracious, Most Merciful
A WIFE'S
PREROGATIVE
by
Aisha Mosher
Polygyny is a subject of constant discussion.
Some women speak of it rather vehemently, others silently
pray to Allah that they not face the trial of
sharing their husband, while a few actively seek out wives for
their husbands. Brothers the world over
continually remark, tongue-in-cheek perhaps, to their wives,
their
friends, and really anyone who'll listen that
they'd like to take another wife. And of course we all know
what
the kuffaar feel about the subject.
Many women can actually feel the hair
follicles being stimulated by the rush of blood to their heads
when
remarks or hints are made to them by their
husbands on the matter. Except for a very few of us we women
are a jealous lot, and we do not relish the
thought of our husband sharing the bed of another woman. Such
jealousy is natural, perhaps even innate. It
is not limited to those of us who grew up under western
influence and was even related about the
wives of the Prophet, sallallaahu 'alayhi wa sallam, which
provides comfort to us when we feel guilty
for holding such emotions. Aishah, radiallaahu anhaa once
complained of a headache to the Prophet,
sallallaahu 'alayhi wa sallam, when he responded by saying he
wished that such would occur (an illness
leading to her death) only while he remained alive so that he
could supplicate for her and ask Allah for
her forgiveness she said to him, "It seems you desire my death
so that you may spend the last of your days
as a groom with some of your wives!"[1]
The Right Of Muslim Men to Marry Four Wives
The taking of up to four wives is a right of
every Muslim man who can commit to its obligations. It is not
my
point here to present the permissibility and
beneficial nature of marrying in plural. Anyone who is
anti-polygyny in principle, or who denies it
or rejects it, should fear Allah and know that it is a part of
Allah's deen, and to hate or reject it
amounts to disbelief. Even though the Prophet, sallallaahu 'alayhi
wa
sallam, reacted strongly and negatively to
Ali wanting to marry a second wife while he was married to
Fatimah, this is not evidence against the
practice of polygyny nor does it negate the inherent good that
polygyny holds for Muslims, men and women. To
believe such is totally ignoring the Prophetic Sunnah and
that of the Khulafaa Ar-Raashideen, the
Sahaabah, the Taabi'een, and the Salaf in their entirety.
When a Muslim woman marries a man who has no
other wife she does so knowing, or at least should
know, that though she may be his only wife
now, the day may come that he marries and brings another
woman into his life and consequently into her
life too. Which brings me to the essence of my topic: Do we,
as Muslim women, have an option in such a
situation? Do we have the right to choose whether or not to
remain married to a man who places us within
such a lifestyle? "Polygyny: A Blessing in Disguise" is an
article written by Meriem Ezzaoui, which
although making some very valid and shaming points regarding
our attitudes as women toward polygyny, there
is one idea which deserves discussion. Our sister Meriem
writes:
"When our sisters demand that the marriage
contract include an 'escape clause' in case of a second wife
they are essentially stating that polygyny is
haram."[2]
It is incorrect to say that a polygyny
condition which allows a woman the choice of divorce is stating
that
polygyny is haraam. It is permissible for a
woman to refuse to be a part of a plural union lifestyle just
as a
woman might wish to refuse some other
lifestyle her husband could place her in. Stipulating a
condition in
a marital contract is not the same as making
something halaal haraam and something haraam halaal. Not
desiring to be in a plural marriage is not
the same as saying polygyny is haraam any more than saying
that not liking to eat locusts or desert
lizards or even lamb's liver means you are against the sunnah
of the
Prophet, sallallaahu 'alayhi wa sallam. For a
woman not to desire to be a part of a plural union does not
automatically mean that she does not agree
with the judgement of Allah ta'aalaa (we seek refuge in Allah
from that).
Is
Polygyny The Rule?
Practicing polygyny is not a requirement and
there is no evidence, says Ash-Shaykh Saalih Al-Fawzan [3],
to say that polygyny is the rule. Those who
wish to and are able are permitted. Those who do not wish to
or are not able should limit themselves to one
wife. Islam permits and limits polygyny and its practice is a
sunnah [4] of the Prophet, sallallaahu 'alayhi
wa sallam, and his Companions, and continues to be
practiced today. On a daily basis Muslims
choose to follow mustahabb (desirable) aspects of the sunnah
in many parts of their lives. In other aspects
they choose not to do so without committing sin. A wife not
wishing to live the sunnah practice of polygyny
is no more erroneous than a woman choosing to not marry
a brother because he is already married or a
man choosing to not take a second wife. Can anyone say
they are making haraam what Allaah has made
halaal? Such is the subject of a woman's marital condition.
She is merely stipulating her wishes and her
right to make a condition that allows her a direct choice.
The Right To Make Conditions In The Marriage
Contract And Its Evidences
Some of the conditions found in marital
contracts have included things such as having a right to complete
her education, to continue her career, to not
travel with her husband, and to not be required to move from
her country of residence. Without question,
Islam provides the husband the absolute right to refuse his
wife's desire to go out of her home, to work,
to be educated, and a myriad of other things that entail
out-of-home ventures as well as in-home
activities. Yet making such a condition that allows her a choice
in
specific matters that are important to her is
valid and permissible and does not indicate her making
something halaal haraam or vice versa. It
merely ensures her that the husband is willing to comply with her
desires for her lifestyle. If he does not agree
he need not marry her and logically should not do so if he
believes he cannot fulfill or agree to the
condition. If, later down the married life road, he decides that
he
cannot continue to honor the condition then the
wife has the choice of releasing him from its requirement
and remaining married to him or she can insist
on his fulfillment of the condition or ending the marriage
contract. [5]
The evidence of the permissibility of placing
such conditions, particularly that of the right to divorce in
case
of polygyny, can be found in the words of Ibn
Qudaamah, rahimahullaah, who relates in Al-Mughnee, "If he
married her on the condition that he not make
her move from her village or her city or country, then this
condition is valid, because it was reported
that the Prophet, sallallaahu 'alayhi wa sallam, said: The most
deserving of conditions to be fulfilled by you
are those through which sexual intercourse
becomes permissible for you. If he married her
on the condition that he will not marry another wife, then
she has the right to leave him if he does take
another wife."
Ibn Qudaamah continues, "Altogether the
conditions of the marriage contract are divided into three types,
one of which must be adhered to which is that
which benefits the wife, such as her being able to stipulate
that he cannot make her move from her village
or city or country, or travel with him, or take another wife or
a concubine. He has to adhere to these
conditions, and if he does not, then she has the right to annul
the
marriage. This has been related by 'Umar bin
Al-Khattaab, Sa'ad bin Abi Waqqaas, Mu'aawiyyah, and
'Amroo bin Al-'Aas, radiallaahu 'anhum, and was
also stated by Shurayh, 'Umar bin 'Abdul 'Azeez, Jaabir
bin Zayd, Taawoos, Al-Auzaa'ee and Ishaaq."[6]
Shaykh al-Islam Ibn Taymiyah, rahimahullaah,
also upholds a woman's right to stipulate such a condition
as seen in his fatwaa when he was asked this
question:
"A man married a woman and she stipulated that
he should not take another wife or make her move from
her house, and that she could stay with her
mother, so he married her on this basis. Does he have to
adhere to this, and if he goes against these
conditions, does his wife have the right to annul the marriage
or not?" He replied by saying, "Yes, these
conditions and similar ones are valid according to the madh-hab
of Imaam Ahmad and other scholars among the
Sahaabah and Taabi'een, such as 'Umar ibn al-Khattaab,
'Amr ibn al-'Aas, Shurayh al-Qaadee, Al-Awzaa'ee
and Is-haq. According o the madh-hab of Maalik, the
condition states that if he marries another
wife, (his first wife) has the choice of what to do. This is a
valid
condition. The woman has the right to leave him
in this case. This is similar to the idea in the madh-hab of
Imaam Ahmad. The basis for this is the hadeeth
narrated in the two saheeh collection of al-Bukhaari and
Muslim from the Prophet (sallallaahu 'alaihi wa
sallam), The most deserving of conditions to be fulfilled are
those by means of which the sexual intercourse
becomes permissible to you. Umar ibn al-Khattaab said:
"Rights are subject to conditions." The
Prophet, sallallaahu 'alayhi wa sallam, stated that the
conditions
which make sexual intercourse permissible
deserve to be fulfilled more so than others. This is the ruling
on
conditions of this nature."[7]
It should be noted that some of the Salaf
invalidated conditions that forbid the permissible, such as
forbidding the husband from taking another
wife, and this is also discussed by Ibn Qudaamah in
Al-Mughnee [8]. Those interested in the finer
details of the topic may refer to his writings. However, the
evidence given above shows that such a
condition can be made and did occur during the time of the Salaf
and was ruled to be acceptable and worthy of
being honored. The condition does not prohibit the husband
from that which Allah has permitted him - the
taking of another wife. What it does do is allow the wife to
choose whether or not to remain with her
husband who has chosen polygyny for himself.
The
Realities of Muslims and Polygyny Today
We all wish for a perfect Islamic society where
everyone is treated fairly, where all needs are met, where
there is no injustice, where we all help one
another and wish for our brothers and sisters what we wish for
ourselves, where husbands are responsible, and
considerate and wives are patient and understanding,
where children are righteous and obedient, and
where Islam, in all its requirements and its sunnah, is
practiced to perfection. We have the guidance
to do so yet we lack the intensity of faith to follow through. It
is a sad truth that many brothers (and sisters)
do not have a good track record when it comes to plural
marriages and often look to the short term
benefits without taking a good look down the road at the
long-term consequences of their decision to
engage in polygyny and all that it involves. And perhaps some
single sisters are inclined to "take the
plunge" due to the shortage of willing and eligible single
brothers
who fit their ideal of a good husband and
potential father. Some sisters see such ideals in already-married
brothers and desire that for themselves, and in
some cases even seek to replace the first wife. As in any
marriage, you get only as much good out of
polygyny as you put into it and in many cases the effort may
not be a joint one made by all parties
involved. Allah ta'aalaa in His perfect wisdom and knowledge of
our
imperfect and perhaps selfish nature as humans
has provided us with ways to deal with such difficulties,
some in the hands of men and others in the
hands of women. The right to stipulate conditions is only one
of those ways allowed women.
Polygyny was legislated in Islam for the very
real needs that it fulfills. As a rule it is much more beneficial
for everyone involved to approach polygyny as
one should everything in life - as a test of how well we will
deal with what Allah, ta'aalaa, has placed upon
our path. For a woman to accept her husband's decision to
marry another and do everything she can to be a
good wife to him and to respect his right and the right of
the sister he has married is indeed an action
that is befitting of a Muslim woman who fears Allah and who's
goal is her reward from her Lord. With sincere
intention in her actions she should pass her test with honor,
dignity, and recompense from Allah, subhaanahu
wa ta'aalaa. However, this does not mean to say that she
must tolerate a situation that she finds she
truly cannot bear, or that she must give up her rights or her
happiness for the sake of her husband and his
wife or wives. Such a situation can push even the best of us
to sin.
The Realities
of Muslims and Polygyny Today
We all wish for a perfect Islamic society where
everyone is treated fairly, where all needs are met, where
there is no injustice, where we all help one
another and wish for our brothers and sisters what we wish for
ourselves, where husbands are responsible, and
considerate and wives are patient and understanding,
where children are righteous and obedient, and
where Islam, in all its requirements and its sunnah, is
practiced to perfection. We have the guidance
to do so yet we lack the intensity of faith to follow through. It
is a sad truth that many brothers (and sisters)
do not have a good track record when it comes to plural
marriages and often look to the short term
benefits without taking a good look down the road at the
long-term consequences of their decision to
engage in polygyny and all that it involves. And perhaps some
single sisters are inclined to "take the
plunge" due to the shortage of willing and eligible single
brothers
who fit their ideal of a good husband and
potential father. Some sisters see such ideals in already-married
brothers and desire that for themselves, and in
some cases even seek to replace the first wife. As in any
marriage, you get only as much good out of
polygyny as you put into it and in many cases the effort may
not be a joint one made by all parties
involved. Allah ta'aalaa in His perfect wisdom and knowledge of
our
imperfect and perhaps selfish nature as humans
has provided us with ways to deal with such difficulties,
some in the hands of men and others in the
hands of women. The right to stipulate conditions is only one
of those ways allowed women.
Polygyny was legislated in Islam for the very real needs that it
fulfills. As a rule it is much more beneficial
for everyone involved to approach polygyny as
one should everything in life - as a test of how well we will
deal with what Allah, ta'aalaa, has placed upon
our path. For a woman to accept her husband's decision to
marry another and do everything she can to be a
good wife to him and to respect his right and the right of
the sister he has married is indeed an action
that is befitting of a Muslim woman who fears Allah and who's
goal is her reward from her Lord. With sincere
intention in her actions she should pass her test with honor,
dignity, and recompense from Allah, subhaanahu
wa ta'aalaa. However, this does not mean to say that she
must tolerate a situation that she finds she
truly cannot bear, or that she must give up her rights or her
happiness for the sake of her husband and his
wife or wives. Such a situation can push even the best of us
to sin.
As a rule, if a Muslim woman is truly unhappy in her marriage and
efforts to resolve any problems are
unsuccessful, she can seek khulu' from a
sharee'ah court (or other responsible party) and be granted a
divorce. This is "due process" in Islamic law
and requires no contract to make it possible. Many judges, in
their fear of granting a divorce to an
emotionally-jaded women, do initially refuse to grant a divorce.
They
advise patience and ask the couple to try to
make amends. However, khula' can be sought and usually
gained and the wife would be required to return
her mahr in exchange for her husband releasing her. With a
condition in her contract, if the husband fails
to honor it she will have the direct and usually immediate
choice of divorce and she is not required to
return her mahr. Conditions cannot prevent marital discord.
That is up to us as a couple. But we can
consider what is important to us and place appropriate conditions
to help us deal with any difficulties that may
arise. This is a right granted to us by Allah, subhaanahu wa
ta'aalaa and His Messenger, sallallaahu 'alayhi
wa sallam, and it is beyond anyone to denigrate such a
right.
As I have matured as a Muslim and grown in knowledge and faith, I
feel I have gained a more reasonable
perspective of many things in Islam that I
thought to be difficult when I was a new Muslim. I have
encouraged some of my sisters to enter into
polygyny, have discouraged others based upon their
circumstances, and have even at one point
sought it for my husband. Nevertheless, I continue to
appreciate the wisdom of Allah ta'aalaa that
has allowed us to make conditions that may help ease the
difficult processes of our lives as Muslim
women if and when we must face them. My right to stipulate this
condition contract is established and although
I would probably never enforce it, I feel comforted by the fact
that I have a choice subject to my own
judgment.[9]
Footnotes:
1. Saheeh Al-Bukhaaree Vol 7 hadeeth 570 of the English
Translation
2. Polygyny: A Blessing in Disguise by Meriem
Ezzaoui (see the full article under "Marriage" at
http://www.islamzine.com)
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