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 In
the Name of Allah, Most
Gracious, Most Merciful
Fear Allah when dealing with women
Nourah Abdulaziz El-Khereiji, Writer in
Arab News, Al-Bilad,
I wonıt be saying anything new if I
enumerate the privileges and status
granted to women in Islam. Apart from the directives in the
Holy Qurıan, the
Prophet, peace be upon him, constantly advised his followers to
be fair and
kind to women. Men choose to ignore these rights either out of
ignorance or
social custom. I will never stop demanding the rights granted
to woman by
our religion. In this struggle I am willing to face any attack
from those
who are ignorant of the broadness of Islam. At the same time, I
will defend
my religion until my last breath. Only men who do not
understand Islam
ignore womenıs rights while emphasizing their own. The
indifference of
certain Muslims to religious instructions is their fault and
not that of the
religion.
The sufferings of Muslim and
non-Muslim wives of Muslim men in the Kingdom
must be attributed to the absence of kindness and no fear of
God in the
menıs hearts. These men and we women have been taught the same
religious
lessons about Islamic rules and regulations; we have all
learned precisely
the rights and duties of both men and women. The fear of God
springs from a
proper upbringing with correct models at home, school and in
society.
Some men are unfortunately very
cruel and unjust to their wives. The wives
may not always be Saudis. Many wives here are from other Arab,
Muslim or
non-Muslim countries. Some of them are newcomers to Islam or
still hold to
their former religion. A man creates a particularly bad image
of a Muslim
male in the hearts of new female Muslims when he abuses his
rights regarding
his wife. He believes wrongly that he has the right to strike
her, separate
her and her children or injure her feelings by bringing a
second wife to
live in the same house. I have been deeply pained a number of
times by
listening to such stories of cruel treatment from husbands. I
have seen
injuries or scars on womenıs bodies which they go to great
lengths to
explain by saying they fell down the wounds of course were
caused by their
husbandıs brutal blows.
I will never forget the face of a
four-year old girl who asked me in
kindergarten several years ago: 'Is it right for my papa to
beat my mama?'
She was the daughter of a woman who was deeply devoted to her
children and
tried to bring them up in the best manner. The girlıs father, a
high-ranking
official, was also very much concerned about his children. The
childıs reply
when I told her that a father should not beat a mother was
shocking. 'But my
papa beats my mama!' Her innocent mind could not comprehend why
her father
would beat her mother. The memory of the girlıs tormented face
still sends a
shiver down my spine.
People with no trace of mercy in their
hearts toward women interpret the
words of the Holy Qurıan 'beat them gently' as a green
light to attack
wives with violent blows using all kinds of weapons rubber
hoses, shoes,
belts. This arbitrary interpretation is clearly contradictory
to the
Prophetıs interpretation; he indicated that the beating should
be as light
as that by a miswak a kind of bark used to clean the mouth
and teeth!
Islamic law does not give husbands the right to beat wives on
their faces or
wound them. Moreover, men who cause cuts and bruises on their
wivesı faces
are devoid of any concern for the sentiments of their children
while the
wife is ashamed for the children to learn why her face is cut
or swollen.
How horrible will be the impressions the children carry in
their hearts all
their life! Can children with such experiences love and respect
their
fathers? What conclusions will they draw about leading a good
family life?
Our religion teaches us that marital relations should be
built on mutual
love and kindness and each partner should be a source of peace
and
tranquillity to the other. Islam prohibits husbands from
causing any harm to
wives. He cannot deny her the right to suckle her child and
should not take
back the dowry given to her. 'But if you
decide to take one wife in place of
another, even if you have given the latter a whole treasure for
dower, take
not the least bit of it back. Would you take it by slander and
a manifest
wrong? And how could you take it when you have gone in unto
each other, and
they have taken from you a solemn covenant?'
(Chapter: Women,
Verses: 20 & 21)
A husband can demand the return of the dowry only in a
situation involving
adultery. 'Nor should you treat them with
harshness, that you may take away
part of the dower you have given them except where they have
been guilty
of open lewdness.' (Chapter: Women, Verse 19)
As the harshness and injustice of a
husband exceeds the point of endurance,
the wife may be compelled to seek release by demanding a
divorce. Then she
must return the whole of the dowry and all other gifts from her
husband. She
may also have to pay some money if he insists. But the manıs
injustice
reaches its height when he stipulates that as a condition for
divorce, she
waive her right to the custody of children who are still in
need of a
motherıs care. In that case she can either get the divorce by
surrendering
her rights as a mother or continue the marriage and suffer all
the
indignities and brutalities in order to be with her children.
The plight of
women without close relatives to protect them against wicked
and unjust
husbands is even worse.
A woman explained to me that she had
relinquished custody of her small
children because she wanted to spare them the trauma of
witnessing their
father beating her and hearing how he abused her verbally. She
wondered if
anyone could respect his father after witnessing him attacking
his mother.
In the ordeal of a close relative, I have
witnessed much that was sad. The
marriage was unhappy and when she demanded a divorce, her
husband took their
unweaned baby to a foreign country. All efforts to bring the
baby back to
the Kingdom failed. My relative was on the point of a nervous
breakdown.
When the husband finally returned with the child, she was
allowed to have
him on weekdays. He went to his father on weekends. The husband
refused her
a divorce unless she waived her right to the childıs custody so
she had to
allow him to keep the infant during the week instead of only on
weekends.
The underlying principle of Shariah
concerning a childıs custody is to
protect the childıs interest and not that of the parents. I
donıt believe
that in this particular case there was any reason to remove the
child from
her custody if the welfare of the child were really the primary
legal
consideration. Nobody is normally more loving and caring for a
child than
its mother though as with everything, there are exceptions. I
wish that
husbands were not given the right to force a woman to choose
between divorce
and the custody of her child. Men should not forget the
Prophetıs warning
that Allah will separate a man and his dear ones on the Day of
Judgment if
he keeps a mother away from her child in this world. If the
victim of a
manıs injustice is a Saudi woman, her close relatives would no
doubt support
her in her efforts to get justice. At the same time, who will
protect the
non-Saudi wife if her husband changes after the first sweet
days of
marriage?
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