The family in most Western civilizations is like a sparrow’s nest; the hen and the cock come together; they make a nest; then they mate; she lays her eggs in it, they hatch them; they bring food and water for the fledglings; they protect them from predators; they teach them how to fly and find food; then they all go their separate ways, - hardly ever to meet again.

The family in Islam is more like a bee-hive; every queen, every bee and every drone has a specific duty assigned to them towards the well being of the hive which they meticulously perform, even if they have to die in the process! The function of the drone is to impregnate the queen after which he dies; the job of the queen is to lay her eggs; the task of the bees is to bring honey for the new generation and make sure that there is enough protection and sustenance for them to thrive so that they can help build a new hive for their next queen.

Every individual, man or woman, Muslim or Christian, consists of five portions :

In the case of a woman (as it is in the case of a man), there is you as YOU; then there is you as a DAUGHTER; then there is you as a SISTER; then there is you as a WIFE; and then finally there is you as a MOTHER.

If all that matters to you is YOU and the rest is irrelevant, then there is no need for you to seek counsel nor to follow it. In a world in which nothing else exists except you, you determine its dimensions, you make the rules, you follow them and be accountable for your actions, - assuming you believe in the concept of accountability.

But if you have made room for the others too, then you will have to prepare a portfolio of your priorities and assign to each a place on it : as a daughter, how much are you prepared to care; as a sister, how much are you prepared to love; as a wife, how much are you prepared to obey and as a mother, how much are you prepared to sacrifice???

This is because, within the perimeters of a family, whatever you do, affects the others; if you flirt and plunge the family into disgrace and disrepute, its price would have to be paid by the others; if you throw away the scarf in preference to the bikini, your sisters will do the same; if you lie, they too will lie and it goes on and on and on

It is not at all necessary that in your Western life-style you do whatever others do because the code they follow is different from the code you have been asked to follow and the rules by which you have agreed to abide are not the same as theirs.

To find your soul-mate you don’t have to sacrifice any of your principles; you don’t have to cast yourself in a mould that does not befit you; you don’t have to wear a camouflage and be someone else! You are like the proud rosebud that does not go around chasing butterflies but stands firm on its stem and waits for the butterflies to come to it.